Banking On a Myth

Well, hello. There has been quite a length of time between now and last time I've written. Written here at least. Some technical difficulties forced me to invest my words elsewhere, but the difficulties have somehow been resolved.  I can't say that in regards to all difficulties, only the one I've been experiencing with getting a post up.....
The past 6 months have been anything but smooth or without difficulty. To recount all that has occurred - from destructive students, to disagreements with co-workers, to planned trips and cancelled trips, to car issues, from how to make money this summer, to what to spend money on this summer - would be tedious and exhausting. Things are happening though, whether they are the things I was necessarily expecting or not at least I'm not sitting around all summer feeling sorry for myself. Things at school cleaned up relatively nicely, and I don't have fear or hostility awaiting for me when I return.
Its often hard to look at things and believe that they'll work themselves out. When you can't really see much further than what's right in front of you, how do you know what's going to be for you down the road?

It's having faith, believing that somehow this frustrating burden will alleviate and leave you the better. Or at least not abandon you with nothing. Its hard not to think that it will; to tell the lies that that's just what they are: lies.   

I'm excited about the rest of the summer and what it has to hold. 

Where Are the Cool Kids?

"You're young, you're single..." Then why am I not out at a party with all the other young, single people? Instead, I'm on the couch in my PJs with a bottle of wine and some Redbox movies...cause that's what the young and single and cool people do.
I maybe should have gone out tonight, but really just couldn't bring myself to do it. It wouldn't have been a night with just a few close friends, rather a bunch of strangers and awkward conversations trying to catch up people who may have been a part of my life at some time...and that doesn't necessarily spell out FUN to me. Plus, the weather create some major road problems and has had people bumper to bumper and scrambling to find alternate routes to their destinations, and that doesn't spell FUN to me either.
See, I have my excuses. I don't know how good they are or if I'm just putting forth a sorry effort to continue this recess of isolation. Because that really is what most of this break has consisted of - a lot of me and little of anyone else. I know, and we could speak of healthy or unhealthy all we want but as soon as I'm required to go back to work on Monday and be surrounded by people all the time, I'll want my own time again. So I've been mostly guiltless in my long gym visits, late night movies and reads, late sleep-ins, YouTube binges, morning lattes, store roaming, and really, whatever else I feel up to. Like venturing into Illinois for a unexpected breakfast and a 10am movie.

Be My Guest

When one of your BFFs since you were in diapers needs a place to crash on the weekend, you don't hesitate...even if she does have her four kids in tow. Four kids, 6 years old and under, packed into a one bedroom apartment with a love seat. There were blankets and pillows strewn across the floor, along with books, dvds, magazines, pretzels, crayons, papers, pencil shavings (yes), grapes, and a pile of tears and "no"s tossed in the corner. Somehow, it was manageable. They all fell asleep when they were supposed to and stayed there until they were supposed to, and though they weren't necessarily where they were supposed to all the other times, there was nothing broken when they left here. No computer or record or picture frame or bones.

And one of the most meaningful conversations I've had with Steph in a long time may have occured also. Not that our conversations typically aren't; we just don't see each other often enough that most of conversations have to be catch up - what have you been up to? But this conversation actually veered towards beliefs, spiritually and Biblically, and I realized how much I need those conversations.
Just the comfort and, thus, honesty that comes with that kind of friendship....

Give a Girl the Day Off...

Vacuumed the floors.
Mopped the floors.
Scrubbed both sinks, and counters.
Scrubbed the tub.
Took out all trash.
Cleaned out pantry.
Sprayed entrances with bug spray.
Cleaned coffee pot.
Did all dishes.
Organized books.
Finished a book.
Wrote 2 blogs.
Made a journal entry.
Two and half hour workout at the gym.
Shopping lists. And shopping. 
Made a killer dinner.
Watched a movie.

Even So

"The sight of all that time-worn stone, shaped grain by grain over thousands and thousands of years, made it seem like the place had been created by a very patient God." - Half Broke Horses

Goodness gracious. Goodness and graciousness. Work has been much busier lately. More work and less working out, which puts my in a bit of a tizzie. But the drain of extra running around combined with not eating healthy didn't do me any service as far as trying to get to the gym. I've felt a bit...crabby. That's really the only way to say it, and I can't quite put my finger on why. I've been spending a lot of time with people, but I don't think its been necessarily enjoyable time. Certian encounters might have made me a bit leary; feeling like people want control over everything or let me know that they know everything or just questioning everything. Maybe I'm just incredibly defensive, but I don't know if I'm being very nice.  I'm short and corrective, even to people who don't deserve it. I'm avoiding hanging out with people. The turn-around needs to happen; me being more conscious of my vibe and energy before I start becoming people's target. Or before I just get bitter. 

Things and Stuff

The wave came again. More heat. Then a nice cool off, and now the temperature is auguring to creep back up again as if it was just a short little tease. Back and forth, back and forth. Just like my emotions these days. 
A wave of frustration came in with the Indian Summer. One person after the next that I have to build up my nerve to challenge. At the insurance company, the grocery store, work, the weekend gig at the garden, my landlord, and even a friend. The second to last one has been a dousey - I'm currently in the process of writing my grievance after numerous phone calls to no avail. Oh, yes, someone answers and then little, if anything, is rectified. So another phone call. A backed-up air-conditionar which overflows onto the kitchen floor; a dishwasher which refuses to drain; mold which finds itself in the most unexplainable places; a leaky hot water heater soaking the carpet and having to sit for 72 hours until something can be properly done about it. 
And the matter of an unprofessional email sent to my superiors regarding a matter that misrepresented by someone who didn't take the time to investigate. I'm stirred up by ignorance, the willingness to put someone through  labor or distress just because you're lazy or need a power trip is something I'll never understand.

Cap it off with the new car not looking so new anymore. It was an accident. One that could've been avoided, but then all accidents usually can be right? That still means having to deal with things. Things. So much of stress has to do with things, and when its the people behind them as well it can just be all the more of a hitch and strain. Its amazing how much you can let it suck from you, how easy to lose sight beyond things and, well, even beyond people and their actions. 

But there has still been a good laugh or two, a couple real fall days of cool weather and grey skies, and some great reads and great food.... things that I suppose should be paid attention to.