Give a Girl the Day Off...

Vacuumed the floors.
Mopped the floors.
Scrubbed both sinks, and counters.
Scrubbed the tub.
Took out all trash.
Cleaned out pantry.
Sprayed entrances with bug spray.
Cleaned coffee pot.
Did all dishes.
Organized books.
Finished a book.
Wrote 2 blogs.
Made a journal entry.
Two and half hour workout at the gym.
Shopping lists. And shopping. 
Made a killer dinner.
Watched a movie.

Even So

"The sight of all that time-worn stone, shaped grain by grain over thousands and thousands of years, made it seem like the place had been created by a very patient God." - Half Broke Horses

Goodness gracious. Goodness and graciousness. Work has been much busier lately. More work and less working out, which puts my in a bit of a tizzie. But the drain of extra running around combined with not eating healthy didn't do me any service as far as trying to get to the gym. I've felt a bit...crabby. That's really the only way to say it, and I can't quite put my finger on why. I've been spending a lot of time with people, but I don't think its been necessarily enjoyable time. Certian encounters might have made me a bit leary; feeling like people want control over everything or let me know that they know everything or just questioning everything. Maybe I'm just incredibly defensive, but I don't know if I'm being very nice.  I'm short and corrective, even to people who don't deserve it. I'm avoiding hanging out with people. The turn-around needs to happen; me being more conscious of my vibe and energy before I start becoming people's target. Or before I just get bitter. 

Things and Stuff

The wave came again. More heat. Then a nice cool off, and now the temperature is auguring to creep back up again as if it was just a short little tease. Back and forth, back and forth. Just like my emotions these days. 
A wave of frustration came in with the Indian Summer. One person after the next that I have to build up my nerve to challenge. At the insurance company, the grocery store, work, the weekend gig at the garden, my landlord, and even a friend. The second to last one has been a dousey - I'm currently in the process of writing my grievance after numerous phone calls to no avail. Oh, yes, someone answers and then little, if anything, is rectified. So another phone call. A backed-up air-conditionar which overflows onto the kitchen floor; a dishwasher which refuses to drain; mold which finds itself in the most unexplainable places; a leaky hot water heater soaking the carpet and having to sit for 72 hours until something can be properly done about it. 
And the matter of an unprofessional email sent to my superiors regarding a matter that misrepresented by someone who didn't take the time to investigate. I'm stirred up by ignorance, the willingness to put someone through  labor or distress just because you're lazy or need a power trip is something I'll never understand.

Cap it off with the new car not looking so new anymore. It was an accident. One that could've been avoided, but then all accidents usually can be right? That still means having to deal with things. Things. So much of stress has to do with things, and when its the people behind them as well it can just be all the more of a hitch and strain. Its amazing how much you can let it suck from you, how easy to lose sight beyond things and, well, even beyond people and their actions. 

But there has still been a good laugh or two, a couple real fall days of cool weather and grey skies, and some great reads and great food.... things that I suppose should be paid attention to. 

Hinge

"August feels like a hinge in the year. Swing backwards and summer is there, swing forward and fall is waiting. I'm in the swing forward camp. I'm never sorry to the see summer end, although I'll miss the peaches. I'm ready for sweaters and socks and new suede shoes." - Stephanie Madewell (Even Cleveland)


Entering the third week of school and it may be the hottest week yet. We're heading into the tail-end, the fizzing out of summer, but are still coming in the building all sticky and smelly from activities. The Indian summer has hurdled itself right into the midst of us while I've been poised for the change of seasons for a couple of weeks now. Eager, wishing, hungry for something different. Ready for the door to swing. 

The Newness of New

And here we are. Back at it, after what some may call a summer vacation but really didn't feel very vacationy at all. Vacations rejuvenate, refresh, even inspire as they take you away from your everyday, away from your regular, away from "the norm".  I didn't get that; I'm just back, with nothing to show for it. We stood in a circle and while other shared celebrations of a new home, so many years married, new grand baby, some trip, project finished...I listened and shoved away my millstone disguised as a new car. A new car - exciting and nerve-wrecking and a bit heartbreaking to know I'll be saying goodbye to my not-so-trusty Big Red who I actually love driving. But I do think it was just that time. 
And it was time to go back I suppose.  The time I had did seem like a break though, and for that I should be thankful. I should be thankful for a lot of things that have occured over the past week or so. New car, or almost like 2 new cars once the JEEP is returned after a make-over, new books thanks to the Book Fair, new food and drinks, a new school with new kids...Its all fresh and rejuvenating in its own way. I hope to take advantage of this year, to really search and evaluate and consider; to not be so stressed by the prospect of having to endure.  

Life

The Head and The Heart

Being home gives me time. And more time allows for the inpromptu rumaging through old things, old memories. I've dug some things out of the archives, opening boxes and notebooks/journals filled with the collection of experience - struggle and pleasure. Other things that are often displayed right in front of me have gotten more attention as well, seemingly jumping out to prompt me into longing for another episode...

The realization or just rememberance that I've gotten to do some absolutely incredible things in my life has been a blessing; refreshing in a lot of ways. But its also made me want more. Its made me not want to have the time to sit around. I've been struggling with the fact that I haven't taken this summer to get up and go somewhere. Then the opportunity presented itself for a time a little later on, this fall, and I was one click away from a plane ticket; before I had time to think through the pros and cons and be somewhat responsible, I was committed. I was going to Ireland, maybe France, time and money be damned. I was so excited and so anxious at the same time because I want to GO but I know once I was boarding a plane, a few hundred dollars would be tacked on to that once I was trotting around in an enjoyable fashion. I mean, Ireland! France! It doesn't come cheap as I'd want it to count for something.

But then the car went on the fritz, the plane ticket went up, and Ireland got cut down to just a few days while Paris got extended a few days, and I just couldn't rationalize the spending of my savings on a less than ideal package; a trip in which I would be limited and wouldn't really get to do my heart's desires.

So I turned it down. My motto of "just go" took a back seat, or really got thrown out the window is more like it. My heart sank a little, knowing I would return to work without a single story to tell while others would be able to go on and on about the summer travels. Its no secret the last year has been a bit of a struggle for me... but there was some relief in my decision, too. And immediate planning for the coming year.