Monday, August 13, 2012
It's taking me forever to force myself to write this. I've been avoiding it for the past week, and frankly kind of wish to continue doing so. Its coming out in bits and pieces; slices really. I filled an entire notebook in the month that I was there, but to come out with any of it to others has been somewhat painful. Maybe it feels most like a pang or an ache, and it should because it reminds me of what is there. The more I've been opening up the more the ache intensifies, yet it feels likes its getting some salve. Its a strange occurence. Heartbreaking and heart-soaring at the same time. And there are some things I still want to keep for myself and some things that will always hurt, but I also want to tell almost everyone. When I started talking about it the other day, someone said to me that my whole face lit up. That's a good thing to hear; for the first week I just didn't know what to do with myself and I'm still in that state a little bit. I felt like there was more for me there than here.
My first day in Africa I heard, "You'll be back. This place gets in your blood." and is exactly how it feels. Like it just surged in and has been pulsating ever since.I do know that I'll be back. I just don't see how I couldn't. I'm searching for a way and a when, but something will bring me back.