"Sometimes I wish for falling
Wish for the release
Wish for falling through the air
To give me some relief
Because falling's not the problem
When I'm falling I'm in peace
It's only when I hit the ground
It causes all the grief."
-Florence and the Machine
Sometimes I think becoming an adult is one of the stupidest things I've ever done. What was ever the rush to grow up? To leave behind those days when someone else organized my schedule and paid my bills? It creeps up little by little, but still manages to shock you when you realize, "Shit, that's coming out of my bank account" or "Shit, I have to confront that person about how they're trying to screw me over."
It must start in high school, when you're parents no longer check your planner to see what assignments you have to get done. You're just expected to get the homework done and study for the test. But even then, if there's a problem with a teacher you're parent is there to make the phone call. College comes along and you have to deal with your grades and your professors, but your parents still deal with money, the car, doctors, food, and whatever else seems out of your league. Then you get your own place on the other side of the world, well, if you're me you do, and all kinds of things are in your hands. Things that the average 23 or 24 year old wouldn't be handling and things your parents wouldn't be handling either. So you learn and laugh and cry and scream and curse and celebrate and grow before coming back to that same old comfort that you once knew. Then you leave and come back. Maybe one more time, or maybe two or three, until its too embarassing to admit that you live with your parents. And even though you're only down the street or around a few blocks, being out for good makes a helluva lot of difference than being out for a time. It hits me a different way; where I realize I'm not saving money. I'm not accessing their internet, I'm not using their zip lock bags, I'm not drinking their coffee...I'm paying rent and utilities and facing off with people at the license burrow. Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of other advantages and perks. Like not having to call to tell where I am past 10:00, or making a mess in the kitchen and cleaning it up later, or stacking my clothes and my books wherever I desire. I've experienced a taste of those things before; the trade off just seems much greater this time around.