Sunday, February 19, 2017

On the Way to Work

I used to be able to get to work in about 5-6 minutes. There was little time to really do much else but buckle up and listen to a song, maybe two before the day really hit me. Now, I have a good  15-20 minutes to get myself together (even after I'm together), which is plenty of time to say a prayer. No, I did not do this on a daily basis and I still don't, but I am more consistant about giving my day up before it starts. I need to ask for grace and peace and wisdom each day, before the need even arises because I know for certain the need will arise. Its not that there aren't good days, but each day has its own set of challenges that I don't, in all honesty, always handle well. So I'm learning to not rely on myself alone to handle them. Whether or not a prayer saves the day I don't really know, in the sense of I don't always know what I'm praying for. Sure, grace, wisdom, discernment, patience, wisdom....but I think they're manifested all different ways I don't even know the entire result for some time. But I do know that I have more peace. I start my day off with a much sounder mind, and that is an answer to prayer.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Though Some Have Called Thee

I still gravitate to the corner of the room. These gatherings where I don't know anyone or there are
people I haven't seen in so long. And coupled with an unfortunate or undesireable circumstance.....the anxiety isn't nearly as bad as it used to be but its still there, and I haven't quite figured out the right approach. That one part of me usually wins, sitting back and waiting and hoping that no one really notices my reluctance or awkwardness. It's an obligation, yes, but I don't want to avoid it just because I'm uncomfortable or apprehensive about being with people. Certain people.
Extended family is just that: extended. Years pass and then we have to gather and everyone knows 7 or 8 years have passed since we've seen or spoken, but here we are, seeing and trying to speak.
After nearly 95 years here, Grandma left. She had few to come and grieve, simply because most of them had gone before her. I know she was ready and is at peace and that should be comforting. But its also definite. Death shouldn't be proud, but it is strong for the mere fact that it can deliver a blow and make you feel week and powerless for time. Though everyone came together under unfortunate circumstances it was satisfying to see them, for the mere fact of remembering that we all still existed.
I can't even think of when I'll see them again....its not really on our To Do list so I'm sure the effort to get it done will have to be above and beyond. And then what?
Right now, I'm just glad Grandma is at peace.