Prayer For the Restless

Oh me oh my. This post was about loaded and locked, and then lost. That's been happening often. So now I'm struggling to come up with the rights words again, the manner in which to express what is churning on the inside. I feel defeated, and I'm not even sure what the competition was. There hasn't been a failure, but it does seem as though there has been a set back. I have the desire to move forward; even if I don't know where exactly I want to end up, I just feel it needs to be somewhere other than where I am or where I've been.
While I was in Canada (or anytime I'm away, really) I experience this rejuvenation and, thus, wish to start anew. I think the two go hand-in-hand....even while I'm wanting my routine and comforts of home, I don't really want home anymore. I want a new challenge and a new set of lessons to learn.
Maybe I'm not looking hard enough and there are things right here, right under my nose, which I need to venture in finding. It takes looking, yes, but also the motivation to look as well as the willpower, but mostly the belief. I need to believe that I can find it and not just sit around waiting for it to come to me. I've been waiting far too long.

Elsewhere

If it weren't for the stiffling heat, you would actually believe that summer was winding down. Every thing else seems to point in that direction - darkness falling a little earlier, the aisles lined with school supplies, the sporadic appearance of pumpkin favor in grocery stores...its coming, slowly but surely. I even escaped some of the hottest days here, galloping around Canada, but I'm more than ready to get these last few weeks of them over with.

Never Gonna Change?

I'm home, and I already wish I was away again.  I can't help but admit to how hard it is for me to return; even when I'm worn-out from travel and am looking for some sort of routine to resume, coming home is arduous and disheartening. There's so much more to deal with which is ironic when you think about it because I just came from tackling flight lines and times, and budgets, and relationships, and accomodations, and all the other things that come along with travel. But the knowledge that its all temporary, that I have to seize the moment, always follows me as well.  I know its going to be over; that's why I don't really understand why I get sad and bothered. This place creates so much drama, and I can't help but feel anxious and burdened by the fact that I have to deal with it because, quite frankly, I don't know how to. I want to NOT deal with it and that seems to be a problem, too. Not only does not dealing with family lead to ignoring them and, thus, causing more tension but I'm simply not very good at ignoring these kinds of things. To be away always seems easiest and just hope that it would fix itself....
The next few weeks, possibly months, may be difficult to adjust to and find how I need to move along with or forward in the scheme of things. There will be emotions and tears and probably words that carry a lot of weight. And I can't just run away.