Thursday, May 26, 2011

"I Know That I Have Stripes, But Know I have Spots Too"

I'm twenty-seven years old. Technically, late twenties. I get paid by the hour and live with my parents.  I own shelves and shelves of books; I can't seem to get myself to stop buying them.  I've lived in a different country, been to ten different ones.  I drink coffee every morning and eat chocolate every day.  I like the way I feel after a workout.  Sometimes I like it when it rains or when it snows, but I like it when the sun is out and pierces through the trees also.  I love my cat even though he makes me itch and I love babies even though they cry.  I like driving around in my Jeep even though I hate traffic, and I like the mornings even though I don't like my alarm clock.
I watch hours of design shows because I have a not-so-secret wish to do it myself.  I have more t-shirts than I have room in my drawer so they don't all ever make it to the drawer.  I don't look people in the eyes and talk to them until I know them.  I go around in circles because I can't make up my mind.  I routinely make lists of things because of how much I enjoy crossing them off.
I'm excited for the future and terrified of the future.  I'm coming into this year with so much to be thankful for and more confidence than I remember having in some time.  I think I feel like...a grown up. Oh dear.  

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Last Leg

Two weeks and not a single approach.  I haven't so much as gotten an email with questions or demands.  It's been quiet, almost too quiet.  Meaning she's finally realized that her method is creating enemies, or she's up to something.  The calm before the storm? There's only one week of school left so maybe her scheming will be put on hold...but I've been on guard. After seemingly non-stop interruptions it's finally peaceful.
You would think that pissing 4 people off in 2 days would be enough of a message, but I'm suspecting that she's just waiting it out 'till we're not in her way anymore...
But there's so much else to be thinking about, right?  I've let so much of my greatly needed energy be used up in tolerating her while time is taking other things out of my focus.  And E needs to finish off kindergarten with ease and celebration.  Well, so do I.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Another Day, Another Dollar

My feet don't freeze as soon as I whip them out from underneath the covers anymore.  Last night I even did away with the covers.  The season has made a turn yet again, and I'm not sure how I feel about this one.  Summer is one of my most trialing; I always want to leave.
This time to Big Sky Country.  Something a little nearer to home; a little nearer to nature, but so far from my life here. I don't think my person can thrive without a decent getaway.  I'm awakened in a new place.  
Pops and I planned on the open road and maps and mountains and rivers; the speakers playing our soundtrack to handfuls of trail mix, skies full of stars, and people to get to know.  I'm struggling with the  idea of having to stick around all summer and not have the luxery of shrugging all "this" off.  You know, responsibility.  That's such a heavy word and I feel so much of it coming on, so much that I may have to just leave...
E walked into the classroom this morning, took my hand and exclaimed, "Today is a new day."  I couldn't agree more buddy, and maybe that's what I need to tell myself on a regular basis.  It's exactly what I needed to hear at that moment.

Saturday, May 7, 2011


I have a really hard time with people not liking me.  Unless of course I don't like them.  But if I do, I lye awake a night and think about it.  Because if someone doesn't like me I need to fix it. And since I don't always have the words, I use my actions.  Call me an ass kisser or whatever, and I won't deny it.  But then the words come easier.

But I don't think I can fix this one, and honestly I don't know if I'm interested....sounds aweful I know, but all my patience has been exhausted. Exhausted to the point of, well, she's become a person I don't like. And I've met very, very few people who I don't like.  However, I'm not someone who needs to be mean to people I don't like, just one who wants to scream,


Luckily, it's the weekend so I can go away.