Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The 11th Commandment

Well, that immediately got my hackles up. You should have know that, "I've been waiting for you," was getting off to a very bad start.  Especially since she told you not to.
My blood has a pretty high boiling point, but boil it does. Just because I'm mellow and nice and fun and smell good doesn't mean I'm a hunk of playdough.  
The B at work (we can say that's a B for boss or B for bitch, doesn't matter) is up in arms over my little Enzo, pulling out weapons of mass destruction.  My ears tingled - that's always where I feel it first - at accusations to avoid responsibility.  She failed to inform other people of her decisions and ruffled some feathers, so I am expected to be the road kill.  Not going to happen.  Not in a conversation and not in an email.  
Now the two of us are still, waiting for the other to make a move.  It will probably be me, and it will be accompanied by a "HIYAH!"

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I would Never.

The thought has crossed my mind but I'm not sure if I could handle it.  The long, sharp needle part has me a bit trepidatious.  But they fascinate and intrigue me, and these maybe I could handle...

And I'm not necessarily a fan of the sleeve, but this girl just exudes cool. 

photo from and and

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Forget About the Birds

A couple of posts ago I informally informed you of conversations I had with my brothers, just leaving it as that - a conversation.  Now that I've had a good week to ponder the subject matter, I'm willing to share some of it. 
Some of it because I'm not really sure of what all of it is.  That's how jumbled it has seemed.  Over sushi with Josh I had things said by someone else that I have thought, but never expressed before...never been able to express.  In about an hour and a half hundreds, thousands of Sundays and private school classes were sliced into.  Not viciously, and not even destructively for the most part.  I don't feel as though anything was ruined; I feel as though some things were unfolded, like one of those paper fortune tellers that has you picking each number just to see what's behind it. I've never claimed to know anything for sure - other than the existence of God.  And that has not wavered.  I believe in God more than I ever have... but I'm realizing there is so much I can't give an answer to. I poked at my sushi with my chopsticks, rolled my roll a couple of times and tried to say what was going through my head. But we all know how that goes...
So much of the time I've told myself it doesn't matter, but it's time to brew over.

With Jeremy, I simply appreciate the ability to realize there's a problem.  Sometimes we get past it and sometimes we don't; I don't have an equation. As with most things.  And sometimes they're big issues and sometimes petty, and sometimes the petty issues are made into big issues - like eating a butt-load of granola bars - and sometimes it doesn't even matter because words are said that cancel everything else out.

All this typing has made me thirsty.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I'm reading this book with gusto.  It's absolutely delightful.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Spring Into Action

I was wishing for the sun. 
I only had one day of it.
And during a break when I thought I was going to be able to run as long as I wanted to, instead had me trading the treadmill for the bike and icing my foot down every night.  Running, even when I'm on a treadmill, somehow gets me from point A to point B.  It decompresses me. 
But I've been filling in some of the gap with other things; in all the inconvenience I've tidied some crap up. Doctor appointments, brother appointments, friend appointments, parent appointments...conversations I didn't realize how much I needed.
And over things like sushi, and homemade pizza, and Thai food, and a trip to the farmer's market. I think one of the things I miss the most about living in a Illsan is the walk to the neighborhood grocery store or fruit and veggie stand. Which is why I need reevaluate my cordinances, right?

Friday, March 18, 2011

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


"I have loved the stars too fondly to be afraid of the night."

Monday, March 14, 2011


I want Dick Vitale to narrate my life. His voice would make even the most mundane things sound thrilling. My workouts, driving to and from work, morning cup of coffee, even laundry would get a boost from his commentary. The colorful play-by-play resounding with all spectators. 
I should just start exclaiming "Diaper dandy!" in the aisles of the grocery store.

Spring break kicked off with nearly 4 inches of snow... and suddenly my week seemed deflated.  Making me feel deflated.  I'm dreaming of all that I'd like to do and the weather has finally become a factor. Not just to allow things to happen but to change my mood and push me. It makes me feel like I should still be hibernating, and I've done enough of that. At least this year.  I'll need plenty of Vitale this week and plenty of dreaminess. 
Wishing you all...

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Wheels Over Me

While E battled the stomach flu all week I felt woozy with all that took his place - stolen debit card, family feuds, tendonitis, lack of sleep, criticism; My head congested beyond the cold I'm fighting. The house always seems more crowded too.
I feel like a lot got sucked out of me this past week.  The vacuum went into little pockets and removed things. So fast I didn't even grab at it for some possibility of rescue.  I should be on guard, knowing my vulnerability to the words and actions of others. And somehow I can feel empty but still have things tumble out, in front of people. I guess when they took something they replaced it with something else. 
But I gladly did some huge favors for a couple of people and in exchange they planted some really nice words in the midst of everything. Sometimes making someone else's day makes yours.  
Its the start of a much needed break, and its sunny so I shouldn't feel grey.  I'm thinking about ways to fill back up again.  I need air and sleep and some bit of inspiration.  

photos via cottoncandyglitter and lottaagaton

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Words of the Month

Trying to find ways to slip them into my everyday vocabulary...

1. Rigamarole 
2. Gush
3. Shish kebab
4. Superfluous
5. Renegade
6. Farrago - a confused mass
7. Betwixt - between
8. Gallivant
9. Hullabaloo - great noise or excitement
10. Indubitably- without question
11. Pajuxy - crooked

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Just Call Me Mary

I've realized that if I want to be taken seriously I need to start calling adults by their first names. I somehow missed the memo. It should have gone out in an
email or a postcard or on one of those brightly colored Post-It notes where I
would easily see it. For everything else there is more than just an understanding
of privileges, but a set age, a graduation date if you will: at sixteen you can drive,at eighteen you can vote, at twenty-one you can drink. How about at nineteen or twenty you can call adults by their first name? It seems that no general agreement has been made on the subject, and though I am well into my twenties, I’m still inclinedto slap an abbreviation at the start of a name, which is when I often get the response of“Oh, Hon, you can call me Mary.” The switch is random, uncomfortable, and neverabsolute. How do the Mr. and Mrs. abruptly become Tim, Doug, Janet, or Barb ifthey have been Mrs. Smith you’re entire life? The expectations for breaking a steadfast habit – an inherent part of my upbringing was respect when addressingpeople – simply make for complicated situations. Your friends were on a first name basis, cousins, the babysitter, and the practice has continued. Surely my childhood friend’s mother is still…my childhood friend’s mother and, therefore,deserves the recognition of sticking it through all those years of drama and discipline.“No,” I often want to reply instead, “I have not yet risen to your stature, and possibly never will. So let’s both maintain the position we know ourselves to be in.” I can’t call everyone Mary; not all welcome the transition or the outright assumption of equality. I am rarely corrected the other way around, but I know more than one recipient has thought, “Who do you think you are you little punk?’ but lets it slide anyway. At least verbally. Since no general consensus has been reached amongst all parties, I always hesitate, even stutter if I get it out at all, and when I do it sounds awkward and disruptive,as if I just hiccupped with a mouthful of JELLO. Possibly if a new acquaintance introduces themselves as Bill or Kathy… it’s a welcomed gesture, an invitation to know them informally if you will, and it seems that the angst would be relieved. But to ventureout on my own is a daring deed and once the line is drawn I’m not inclined to erase it.

I know other priviledges have bestowed upon me since I've become a "certain age" that I have accepted whole-heartedly. Even earning a Ms. in front of my own name - though not my last name, which ninety percent of them aren’t going to be able to hit anywhere near the mark on that pronunciation. Something they’ll probably getin trouble for saying will end up coming out – the all too close resemblance of a “bad”word. Quite simply, it would also make me feel about fifteen years older than I am,maybe twenty. I guess I'll get there, but first, let's work on not feeling so little around people.

1st photo via

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Tall Tales

Nate is the last one to arrive at the classroom just about every morning.  He is dropped off at one end of the school and must travel to the other end to get to kindergarden. It's a long walk, and he has short legs, I'll give him those, but the fact that he stops to tell every person he sees his life story is what has him trickling in.  It must come in chunks because the kid is only five years old and he's had six months to catch everyone up.   
The other day he announced that his foot was broken.  He's not sure how it happened, of course, but nontheless, it surely happened. Somewhere between the car and the front door of the building apparently, and somewhere between P.E. and recess it healed up quite nicely. That is, until the next day.  After about 4 days the schtick wore off, probably because the limp was too much work.

Today was the Nate and the Storm story, Part II.  We had to cut him off yesterday due to time restraints - that kid can talk.  But he can tell a story too, with great detail such as what his Mom said to his neighbor in between claps of thunder and the blanket his mom put on top of him. He's perfectly animated throughout and I'm thrilled that my smile or chuckle doesn't throw him off.