Saturday, August 24, 2013

How To Ruin Your Life

“Get stuck. Stay in one place your whole life. Always order vanilla even though the menu is four pages long. Become the type of person who sends back lattes. Save up your money for a plasma TV instead of a plane ticket. Talk a lot about things you know nothing about. Have an affair with someone you don’t even find attractive. Refuse to forget your ex. Never do anything that could potentially be “bad” for you. Say no to carbs, yes to wheatgrass, go to bed at ten sharp and turn down cake on your birthday. Compare yourself constantly, to everyone. Allow the standards of image-obsessed, age-obsessed culture to make you feel decrepit at 25. Scroll through skinny girls on Tumblr feeling wistful and inadequate. Pull at the skin on your hipbones, stomach, and underarms in the mirror. Sigh a lot. Sigh all the time. Don’t fall in love with anyone or anything. Hold grudges long after you’ve forgotten what for. Refuse to learn. Refuse to ever learn.”
- The Glass Butterfly

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Grounds for Divorce

I can be unexpectantly difficult, in an unexpected dose. Even though I can typically check myself, its not always easy to judge...or remember to warn people. That's the part I'm sure surprises people; I come across so calm, cool, and collected and then I can feel my blood boiling. Maybe its not blood but something rises up in me. I will react ....or blow everyone off. Or both. Its deffinitly easier to just retreat. I have the need for solitude more often than others, the need to decompress as social interaction overwhelmes me - still! That's hard for people; to know I just want them to go away and not be around. I don't want to say something I regret, but I also just need space.
I haven't always travelled well with people. I think of every trip I've been on and there has been conflict or uncomfortable moments. Sure, you're travelling in close quarters with someone 24/7, trying to eat and sleep and entertain....there is bound to be stress. It should be addressed beforehand, right? Somehow that doesn't seem to take the sting out, the squirm from uncomfortableness away once it has really taken root. I guess as much as others' aggressiveness or pluckiness hurts, my silence and aloofness can do the same. And, you know what makes me feel bad? That I'm actually okay with that....

How wonderful it is, to be silent with someone."
— Kurt Tucholsky