Permission

10. Give yourself permission to say no to the things that make you unhappy, or that take your energy.

I said it...and I took responsibility for it. I can feel and hear my voice shake in those moments but I knew this was coming; all coming to a head and people were bound to be people up in arms. I knew there were possible repurcussions. No one typically likes being called out for not doing their job; reactions are understandable, but when the accusation is true....
I just can't find the motivation any more to act as if its okay that you don't do what you need to do while I bust my ass. Every day has been a conflict of interest: I like them just fine outside of work, but I do not enjoy working with them. I don't know if I would do it differently or not. I don't even know if I'm outta line; certainly warranted and justified but to act in the name of that alone and not consider everything else surrounding it, can be dangerous. I just feel less inclined to follow along, to do what everyone expects me to do. This year has opened me up to some freedom, freedom to speak up about things. I'm still trying to find my footing, but I do believe I have the right to stumble. 

All By Myself

In Korea I did everything by myself. Here, I still do a lot of things by myself. I go to festivals, go on walks/hikes, go to the gym, go to the bookstore, to  the museum or an exhibit. And, I go to the movies by myself. Sitting in the movie theater by myself is a plesant experience I imagine many don't engage in. There is actually an element of peace that such a solo act provides. I don't need someone else to share that moment with me. I'll like talking about it and letting others in on it, and I almost think that them not having seen it for themselves gives me a leg up; I can be the first to relay it and encourage the pursuit, but I have that first encounter. And NO distractions. It's the perfect place to go for one thing and one thing alone. I often look forward to these alone activities, knowing they'll bring some-self reflection and internal down time.  

You Optimist, You

I am not a superstitous person. But sometimes starting your day off with something upsetting or unfortunate, rather it be immense or even minute, can set a tone for the rest of the day. At about 6:30am I dropped a knife in my kitchen, and the knife just happened to dagger straight into my foot. I was wearing socks so the wound was much less than it could have been, but nontheless, it left a mark and having an injury right off the bat is seemed to be a bit telling. More followed. A swollen ankle, a bruise to the arm, scratches and nail indentations that drew blood, kicks to the shin, and a few good whacks to the side. This is my job. This is a pretty typical day at work. Some days I don't encounter any such behavior, but those are rare. And while there may have been a couple more extreme incidents today, I should have seen it coming.  
I knew right away that my little princess wasn't going to show either; my "soul sister" who tiptoes around the room and brushes her hair out of her face as she makes funny faces. Who assures me that "I'm okay", or "U'm okaaay" even when it appears that she isn't. 
And the weather changed. Drastically, throughout the day. That I'm okay with. U'm okaaay with the cooling of the air and changing of the leaves.