Thursday, May 28, 2015


"Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences."

People need companionship. Myself, a self-proclaimed loner, doesn't always like to admit this, nonetheless, its the truth. I can hibernate away, even in the stark of summer, but then here comes the need, the desire, for other life. I find rejuvenation in nature, in the view of mountains, fresh air, water, a sunset... yet also in a good conversation. Sometimes I don't even know it, know that I need it, and I find myself in another's presence where things just come together; I think the others needed it, too. On a bit of a whim, Pops and I drove to a different town along the river and ended up perched at some waterfront, biker bar where we downed a couple cold ones and shot the breeze with those doing the same. Just a little, a handful of exchanges and it felt a second wind. Enough to get up and move on.
The next day brought a recollection of a treasured boss over White Castle burgers at the kitchen table after pulling countless weeds out of the soil. An elderly gentleman on his own, often leaving me on my own to work, but ready to tell a story to a willing ear. 
Its these small encounters that I realize I need more often than not, usually forgeting/avoiding  to seek them out. Some come and go, never to be visited again, and others come back or we carry them with us for long enough. 

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Cathedrals in My Heart

The days are getting longer, the nights shorter. I can hear the kids outside my window or door dribbling the basketball down the pavement or playing tag across the lawns well past dinner time. I'm staying up later also, somehow feeling like there's more time in my day just as I did when I could run outside with the fireflies when I was young. Like I never have to be AT anything, like no one was necessarily expecting me at any specifice time. Before the heat strikes and seems nearly debilitating, this is a stretch of the year I enjoy. School is coming to a close, a bit of excitement of a schedule/routine change and restrictions being lessened. Though I am feeling a bit regretful as this is the first summer in probably 7 years that I don't have a trip planned. Nothing; no Asia or Europe or Africa or cross-country drive. I'm torn between that urge to get up and go and the relief of just being able to relax yet get some things done. I don't necessarily want to run away anymore....maybe in a sense, but I don't hate going to work. Seriously, I have hated going to work. A lot. And suddenly, I don't hate it so much anymore. Not at all, really. I've been seeing these little blessings, if you will, that have popped up just because I stuck around. Because I stuck it out. There's been a light at the end of the tunnel, if you will, a reward for perservering and however long I stay now, I have that affirmation and satisfaction.

Friday, May 15, 2015

One Small Step, One Giant Leap

He did it. And then jumped into my arms to celebrate. I told myself I was perfectly fine with the notion that he may never do it, not for a long while at least, and understood the anxiety, but I think deep down I wanted him to know he COULD do it if he made up his mind. I wanted him to have a victory. 
We talked about here and there for two weeks. More than two weeks, and he assured me that he had no intention of conquering this fear. "Go ahead, ask the Arch question," he instigated, and answered with a resounding, "No." But then he got in line and took a deep breath because all the other kids were. The tears just started flowing, but he stayed put. 
He was so happy he jumped into my arms at the top. Literally left the ground to hug me in jubilation. 
He even reminded me a day later that he did it, with a an ear to ear smile.I still look at him, nearly 5 years after we met,amazed at his progress and think to myself, "I had something to do with that." Actually, I've been told I had a lot to do with that.

This is my living faith, an active faith, a faith of verbs: to question, explore, experiment, experience, walk, run, dance, play, eat, love, learn, dare, taste, touch, smell, listen, speak, write, read, draw, provoke, emote, scream, sin, repent, cry, kneel, pray, bow, rise, stand, look, laugh, cajole, create, confront, confound, walk back, walk forward, circle, hide, and seek.
- Terry Tempest Williams