A couple of posts ago I informally informed you of conversations I had with my brothers, just leaving it as that - a conversation. Now that I've had a good week to ponder the subject matter, I'm willing to share some of it.
Some of it because I'm not really sure of what all of it is. That's how jumbled it has seemed. Over sushi with Josh I had things said by someone else that I have thought, but never expressed before...never been able to express. In about an hour and a half hundreds, thousands of Sundays and private school classes were sliced into. Not viciously, and not even destructively for the most part. I don't feel as though anything was ruined; I feel as though some things were unfolded, like one of those paper fortune tellers that has you picking each number just to see what's behind it. I've never claimed to know anything for sure - other than the existence of God. And that has not wavered. I believe in God more than I ever have... but I'm realizing there is so much I can't give an answer to. I poked at my sushi with my chopsticks, rolled my roll a couple of times and tried to say what was going through my head. But we all know how that goes...
So much of the time I've told myself it doesn't matter, but it's time to brew over.
With Jeremy, I simply appreciate the ability to realize there's a problem. Sometimes we get past it and sometimes we don't; I don't have an equation. As with most things. And sometimes they're big issues and sometimes petty, and sometimes the petty issues are made into big issues - like eating a butt-load of granola bars - and sometimes it doesn't even matter because words are said that cancel everything else out.
All this typing has made me thirsty.
Some of it because I'm not really sure of what all of it is. That's how jumbled it has seemed. Over sushi with Josh I had things said by someone else that I have thought, but never expressed before...never been able to express. In about an hour and a half hundreds, thousands of Sundays and private school classes were sliced into. Not viciously, and not even destructively for the most part. I don't feel as though anything was ruined; I feel as though some things were unfolded, like one of those paper fortune tellers that has you picking each number just to see what's behind it. I've never claimed to know anything for sure - other than the existence of God. And that has not wavered. I believe in God more than I ever have... but I'm realizing there is so much I can't give an answer to. I poked at my sushi with my chopsticks, rolled my roll a couple of times and tried to say what was going through my head. But we all know how that goes...
So much of the time I've told myself it doesn't matter, but it's time to brew over.
With Jeremy, I simply appreciate the ability to realize there's a problem. Sometimes we get past it and sometimes we don't; I don't have an equation. As with most things. And sometimes they're big issues and sometimes petty, and sometimes the petty issues are made into big issues - like eating a butt-load of granola bars - and sometimes it doesn't even matter because words are said that cancel everything else out.
All this typing has made me thirsty.
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