Saturday, April 8, 2017

If You Need to Break Down

"Teaching is like trying to hold 35 corks underwater at once."      - Mark Twain

I'm exhausted - physically, mentally, and emotionally. The physical aspect may have been contributed to by a bit of illness which has seemed to subside, but the weight of the last month or so has been very noticeable. It hasn't stopped me; I've ran and climbed and lifted and explored, enjoying a wonderful and needed spring break. But even that week of "me-time" didn't seem to quite shake this feeling of suffocation. I can't quite pinpoint it, as is often the case with my restlessness and/or agitation. It's not depression or anxiety ( I can put myself in a good mood relatively easily),but it does become something I have to focus on ridding myself of. I think that's the tricky part; its not just putting myself in a better mood. I feel like a million things are spinning around at once, and I can't quite sort them out or put them into their proper place. I have accepted that not every kids is going to like me; some will love and some will hate. But when I mess up or don't get it right in front of peers, that really rocks me. There's making a mistake because I just didn't know, and then there's making a mistake because I wasn't thinking right. 
I would generalize that most have been patient and understanding. I'm probably harder on myself more than anyone else, but there's frustration in knowing that I could do better.... 

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