Sunday, November 12, 2017

Helium

I'm still learning to find something good out of a bad experience or situation. Like the diamond in the rough. Just because there's someone who is acting a fool and causing all kinds of trouble doesn't mean A. that its my fault or B. that I can't have success with someone else, even at the same time.

I've had some potholes this week, but have also some major strides with some kids. There were situations that I foresaw being rather stressful and frustrating, and they were, but at moments I also experienced unexpected triumphs. Maybe just crisis aversions...but that's fine, too. I haven't looked forward to going to work, or liked going to work, or even not minded going. Most often, I actually dread going. I never really know what I'm going to face - other than emotional spasms, some mediocre lesson plan, and a little bit of disorganization - and that causes more stress than I expected. Hey, I like spontaneous. I AM spontaneous! I don't mind meandering off the path or whatnot. But this, everyday, standing against defiance and disrespect and a lack of self-control, is quite taxing. There have been some days I felt completely defeated at the end of it.  Like I left without any points.

Lately, however, I've been counting points differently. Some are barely noticeable, but if I stop and pay close enough attention, I can count them because I was able to get a kid to do something or not do something that is not typical for them. These moments aren't like popping up all the time, maybe not even every class period, but there are there.  This past week I've had some kids who are just bent on not being successful; they do not care and there isn't a lot you can do with that. And I will admit: there have been split seconds when I would have no remorse about smacking one of them (or a couple) in the face. I am getting better though. I do have kids that love to talk to me, that look for me in the halls and confiede in me. Sure, there are those who curse me out, ignore every direction/request, and have a general disregard for authority or even other people.... but I guess that's why they're there. I can't be everyone's friend or fix everyone. That's not realistic and I might as well try to hold dozens of corks underwater at one time.  I also might as well go for a hard workout, drink some wine and eat some chocolate, and call it a day. 

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